I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
