omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
