It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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