it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
