I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
