i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
