Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
