My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
