Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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