so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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