dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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