Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
