it was like eating out sand paper
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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