WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
