These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
so much tequila, so little girl.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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