How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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