so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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