oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
