is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
