In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
