I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
