we're blogging at a bar
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
