god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
