threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize