I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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