Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Dicks are not precious.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
