He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
