The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
