It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
