Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
