one might say we're banned from that church
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
