You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
