I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Randomize
