Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
the condom got lost in my hair
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
