hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
being pregnant is like rehab
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize