sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize