We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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