so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
