dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
