It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
