I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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