I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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