If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
