i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
