Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
