Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
