I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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