I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
