she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
