You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
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