walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
