Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
