just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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