Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
