Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just found puke in my bra..
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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