i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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