i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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