i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
