I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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