i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
