im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
