I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
