They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
