just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
