maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
