I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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