he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
