You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
