So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
