does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
